Bittersweet
by Sapphire09
Summary: Songfic. Even if you lay there, unmoving... I'll always wait for you, until you can see me like how I see you. The memories I have is real, so I believe that I can see your eyes again... Even if you no longer breathing...


**DISCLAIMER: BLEACH** is owned by **KUBO TITE** (Who doesn't know that?). The song, _Bittersweet_, is owned by _Within Temptation_.

**Sapphire09:** This is a Birthday fic for **Chariot330** (Who already changed the penname to **chariot330 dimakan kodok**……)

_Warning: Few incorrect grammars and bits of OOC-ness…_

Hope you all like this! (And Happy Birthday, Chary-chan!!)

**Message for Chariot330: **_Sori, ak mlah make nii lagu... Abisnya... kyknya kompku kna virus T.T , jadi lirik bwt lagu yg kmu mw gak bisa kubuka... jadi.... *cries*_

_Gomenasai!_

**

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xXxBittersweetxXx  
**_By Sapphire09

* * *

_

"_Unless I grip the sword I cannot protect you, while gripping the sword I cannot embrace you." - Volume 5_

* * *

A small, petite girl ran through the hallways of the Kuchiki Mansion. Room by room she passed and ignored, until she reached her destination. The ruckus and the gossiping servants around her can do nothing to stop her; neither do a man with flaming red hair and a bandanna on his forehead who tried.

_If I tell you_

"Let me get to him, Renji!!" she yelled at the redhead as she pulled her right arm away from his grip, before running again towards her destination.

_Will you listen?_

"Rukia!!" the red head yelled from behind her, but she paid him no mind. She needs to_ know_ that that person is alright_._

"He's—." Rukia refused to listen more. She must see for herself. Her small feet ran even faster, anxious_._

_Will you stay?_

She hurriedly slides the door in front of her to open. Her eyes widened in surprise and grief, also worry. She felt a lump stuck inside her throat, and she can feel herself shaking in disbelief.

'_No… It can't be _him…_'_

_Will you be here forever?_

She saw him there, at one end of the room. Seeing him, she called for his name, though it's only a mere whisper.

She can't see the color of his eyes.

_Never gone away?_

"Nii-sama…"

He was laid there, on a big sized bed, enough for two people. His dark, midnight hair, which was often adorned with the prized Kenseikan, now falls freely on both sides of his face, with his slightly long fringe covering a little of the right side of his face. His eyes, his usually cold and—sometimes—warm eyes, now tightly closed.

She missed those eyes already.

_Never thought things would change_

She stepped closer to the figure, reaching for him. His complexion is pale, far paler than usual. Even his lips have lost their color, leaving only pallid white. The tip of her fingers touched the pale skin delicately.

She almost hoped that that pale figure would snap and showing his annoyed look at her for touching him, like usual, yet…

The limp and cold flesh under that blanket… She can't believe that it was her Nii-sama's.

She felt her cheeks turned wet.

_Hold me tight_

Despite all that, she knew that he is still alive, if the rising of his chest is any indication. So, she tried to call him again softly. She went nearer to him and called him in a slightly louder voice. She wanted her voice to be cheerful and firm.

However, it was a hard thing to do when she can't stop her tears from flowing. Instead of firm, her voice is shaking and broken.

"Nii…sama?"

_Please don't say again_

"Wake up…"

_That you have to go_

"…Please…"

* * *

"Rukia…"

Renji stood by the opened door, looking at his captain and his best friend in grief. He…hated this, not being able to do anything for her. Especially seeing her like this. So broken, so fragile.

He knew her as a strong woman, as someone who is able to withstand anything. Even so, he knew… He knew that even the strongest tree can fall, given the right force. So, he knew that this will able to make her break.

And he hated the fact that all he can do is to watch her break.

* * *

Seasons have passed and winter is around the corner. A year is about to end, but still no sign of _him_ waking up. Even so, Rukia still hoped.

She went on her duties as Shinigami like usual, but as an unseated officer, she had much of free time. She stopped coming to the Human World outside of orders. Those free time she had were used to see her Nii-sama. In those times also, she often lose hope.

And she couldn't help blaming herself for what happened to her Nii-sama.

_A bitter thought_

_I had it all_

It's not that she doesn't trust him, but sometimes… She just couldn't help it. It has been almost a year since _he_ came home unconscious like this. She can't help but to think of many what ifs.

Even of _what if I had told him about my bad feeling I had before he went?_

She had said that one time to Ichigo, who came over to Soul Society one time for the sake of seeing her, that what if. It was him who gave her spirit back,but those thoughts are still bothering her when seeing her Nii-sama's pale, almost dead-like complexion.

Still, she believes.

_But I just let it go_

Even though _he_ was so cold towards her, she always wanted him to see her as a sister, a part of the family. She always wanted his acknowledgment, no matter how small.

There were rare times when he acted so warm to her, smiled to her, no matter how unnoticeable those smiles were. There were also rarer times when she found out something about her Nii-sama. It was those rare times that she always looked for. Everything that she did was for the sake of those rare times.

_Hold your silence_

Now it's still the same. She would give everything up if it means to bring _him_ to open _his_ eyes.

She never realized just how much she had clung to her hope. She wanted to know more of her Nii-sama.

_It's so violent_

_Since you're gone_

She doesn't want to see him die.

* * *

"Renji told me that you've became much more silent than usual."

The sentence received silence as its answer. Frowning in annoyance, the speaker asked in an impatient tone.

"Rukia, just how long are you going to do this?"

The woman in question only turned her head slightly to see a Shinigami with orange hair behind her, looking at her with worry.

She wondered if he was worried about her Nii-sama.

_All my thoughts are with you forever_

"It's almost been a year. You can't keep doing this, Rukia!"

Rukia doesn't understand what he meant by that. Can't keep doing what? Taking care of her Nii-sama? Why? She could do that until now, so why she can't keep doing this? Nii-sama hasn't woken up yet, so she should keep doing this, right?

Why is Ichigo look so desperate? And pained?

Nii-sama will wake up, she knew that. She wanted to be the first person that he sees, so she will take care of her. As long as she can keep up with her duties, it'll be fine, right? So why did it bother Ichigo so much?

_Until the day we'll be back together_

"It's been too long! Even Unohana-san said there was nothing we can do!"

"But, he's still breathing, Ichigo," she said calmly. Her eyes returned to the immobile and pale form of her Nii-sama, unmoving since the day he was brought to this room. "So he will wake up."

_I will be waiting for you_

* * *

"Rukia… I've told you before, don't blame yourself over this," she heard him said again. This has been the third time Ichigo came over, and this time winter is almost over.

Rukia was confused again. Blaming? Blaming over what?

"I know that you're doing this because you keep blaming yourself that he was in such state. It'd never been your fault, Rukia. Just because you couldn't stop him that day, doesn't mean you have to repay it by staying by his side all the time. We all already see this coming, but you denied it. In the end, he still—"

_If I had told you_

"But… Ichigo…

_You would've listened_

"I don't blame myself now…

_You had stayed_

"In fact, thanks to that…

_You would be here forever_

"I can be this close with Nii-sama, ne?"

_Never went away_

Ichigo's eyes widened at her sentence. He stared at her intently, but he couldn't see her face since she kept her eyes only to the motionless figure of the once proud head of the Kuchiki clan.

"Rukia, you—"

"Staying and taking care of Nii-sama makes me see things that I've never seen before, like how long Nii-sama's eyelashes are… how dark and soft Nii-sama's hair…" she spoke again, cutting Ichigo's sentence. Ichigo widened his eyes even more at the serene tone that she had used. He even saw her reaching that still figure, twirling the dark hair of that motionless figure as she spoke of his hair.

"It makes me know more about Nii-sama."

_It would never have been the same_

"Rukia…?" Ichigo said carefully. As if ignoring him, Rukia kept talking.

_All our time_

"If Nii-sama never went, I won't get the chance of knowing more about Nii-sama…

_Would have been in vain_

_Cause you had to go_

"…I won't be able to get this close to Nii-sama.

_The sweetest thought_

_I had it all_

"Staying with Nii-sama makes me think a lot of things, such as how I thought of him for the first time…

_Cause I did let you go _

"Also when he showed his gentle side for the first time…

_All our moments_

_Keep me warm_

"And the rare occasions when he was more like a brother to me…"

_When you're gone_

Ichigo stared at Rukia's back in slight disbelief. He knew that what she said sounded…normal, but he can't help but to have a bad feeling about it. Even so, Rukia kept speaking.

"Everything seemed to bring me closer to him."

_All my thoughts are with you forever_

She spoke that with a much serene tone, a tone that Ichigo never heard from Rukia, ever. His eyebrows furrowed as he walked closer to her.

"Rukia," he called firmly. "Rukia, look at me."

Rukia stayed still, unmoving. Ichigo, panicked, reached for her chin and forced her to face him.

_Until the day we'll be back together_

Rukia's eyes were blank. She doesn't see anything but the lifeless body of Byakuya beside her. Even when Ichigo turned her face away, her eyes are still pinned to the frozen form. Her expression is so serene, so calm, almost lovingly so as she spoke her next sentence that made Ichigo scared for her.

_I will be waiting for you_

"So I'll always wait for him to see me with those eyes again."

* * *

**Sapphire09**: I know. The end is really…disappointing, isn't it? And, it also doesn't match the song (though, I think that the beginning to the middle part, it still matched. It was after that it got a bit ruined… I got rushed, so... yeah.)

Yeph, Rukia got insane at the end. She is a bit (or a lot) OOC here, isn't she? About what happened to Byakuya… just use your imagination. Just think it was a mission gone wrong… (in truth, I just got a hard time thinking of the reason, so I'll just leave it to you. *sheepish smile*)

Anyway, Chary-chan, I really hope that you'll like this fic (though I kinda doubt it… I did kill your favorite character here… Gomenasai *bows*).

Once again, お誕生日おめでとう, Chary-ちゃん!

Reviews, constructive criticism, all welcomed!


End file.
